God’s hand will move over the face of the earth and sea. God will smite the earth. It will be smote with a great smiting. Plagues will fall. Locust will cover all the earth. Pestilence will pestilize. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Cable may be interrupted.
God has told us (“us” meaning me) that this will happen. All because of tiny cameras.
Tiny cameras are everywhere. Some people buy computers that have tiny cameras in them… who knows why. There are tiny cameras that video record you at the mall, at the gas station, at major intersections on the highway, in most stores, in the bank, at the ATM, in the post office, only God knows where else.
In London they have tiny cameras EVERYWHERE. Over there they can take pictures of you while you pee. Just ‘cause.
We (we meaning me) have seen advertisements for clock radios that have tiny cameras in them that start recording when there is motion near them. We assume these set on table by the bed so you can catch the female unit with Raul the Pool guy doing the horizontal mambo.
There are too many tiny cameras. God thinks so.
That's not the worst of it. God is especially peeved by the tiny cameras that are used to go inside people’s bodies. These are not at all natural. If God had wanted us to see inside one another’s bodies he would have put cellophane areas on us instead of skin. Or installed a port hole like opening. Or given doctors x-ray vision. But He didn't which should tell you something.
These cameras are now so small that if there is any opening whatsoever in your body they will shove a camera into it just to look around.
This all probably started as good fun, but it is now out of hand.
If you think about it, a tiny camera inside your body could not see much – it is dark in there. The tiny camera has to have lights for it to work. Sometimes while the Doctors and nurses and technicians are in there if they see something they don't like they cut it out to take a look at it. So there are cameras and lights and tools in you. That’s a lot of stuff.
Sometimes they cut stuff out of your body, just 'cause. You know it looks interesting or they don't know what it is so they take it out.
All this is done while they eat baloney sandwiches and drink diet sodas. On Friday they get pizza.
They have TV screens in the office where they can watch nurse Roberta move the camera around. Roberta lives an otherwise drab life. This is her chance to do something interesting and fun.
When they take something they call it a bi-opsy. Even when they just want to get it out and look at it because they may have discovered a new something or other, they send it downstairs to Ed in the lab. Ed has a microscope and access to books and data bases so he can figure out what anything is or was. When they cut something out of you and send it down to Ed it is called a bi-opsy. If it is a biopsy then it is worth $5000 from the insurance people. If they cut it out and send it to Ed for a "look see" because it is interesting and maybe fun then they can't charge the insurance company because there is no code on the insurance form for "looked interesting and so we just cut it out".
So just to reiterate and to say it over again for reinforcements sake. God doesn't want tiny cameras in you. The next time a doc wants to put a tiny camera in you tell him where he can "stuff it". You know - up the colon.
©David L Arment