Today in Pam’s truck this light came on, it said TPMS.
This of course lets you know that the toilet paper roll in your truck needs replacing. It is the Toilet Paper Maintenance System light (TPMS) I told Pam this. I told it like I knew it for sure.
A done deal. Absolute. Without question. Gospel.
And I also told her that although she had owned and driven he truck for years she had failed to notice a RV sized or otherwise very small, portable toilet tucked away somewhere and her truck.
Complete confidence. Lead pipe cinch. That's how I said all that. For sure.
This was, of course, very good news because now we would have a place to “go” in the future and not have to stop at public “rest stops” along the highway where the government scientists are conducting research on germ contagiousness by spraying them everywhere (spraying the germs, not the scientists) in the restrooms there. This is of course a know fact. Maybe you didn’t know it but everyone else knows it so that makes it “a known fact”.
Pam said she was sure that she would have noticed a toilet in her truck of any size and she was pretty sure that TPMS must mean something else.
So we (we meaning me) started to ruminate upon all the possible permutations and abbreviations that could be TPMS.
... such as ...
TurnPike Message System (TPMS)… That is where when you are on the turnpike they send you a message. We have never received any such a message. That is obviously because our message system is out and on the fritz and also not working.
Take Pam Meat Shopping (TPMS)… We have a really great meat shop here where we live. People come from the surrounding cities, counties, states and countries to buy meat here. They take out second mortgages on their homes and auction off children to be able to come here and buy entire frozen cow or two. So this light TPMS was a warning to go buy meat.
These were of course some of my suggested interpretations of this light. Some of the other ones I won’t be able to tell you about for fear of government reprisals or excommunication from church and/or society.
Pam was not being any help. She wanted to get the “Owner’s Manual” and look up the term TPMS. This (getting instructions from a book) of course, is forbidden in manly, men circles and I told her that she would have to do that on her own when I was not present so that I would not be thrown out of manhood. She would have to consult this book out of my presence to see what the gremlins under the hood of the truck were trying to say to us/her/me.
To continue what I thought the message might mean.
Trump Private Message System (TPMS)… is where instead of calling you on the phone he sends you a message into the truck. Since I’m sure he wants to consult with me/us our system must be down.
Transparent _________ Moving System (T MS)… This is where you can move - or are moving - something that is invisible ie. transparent. In fact it is in the truck all the time. It’s in there now, but since it is transparent you can’t see it. Maybe that’s it.
Of all the things we compiled (we meaning me): only the toilet paper one made any sense. And as Dr Spock once said on an episode or Star Trek (the original series), "When you eliminate all that is not, then what remains is what is." So how can you argue with that?
Pam is going to get the book out and look it up.
Won’t she be surprised to find she has a toilet in her truck!
©David L Arment